Losing My Grip
by JPhantom95
Summary: The rain is pouring, and that seems like an indication to Doumeki that something is wrong. When he goes to see Watanuki at the shop, he is nothing but a broken soul. But only Doumeki can fix that. Always and will ever be the only one when the seer loses his grip. (Set during the chapters after Watanuki inherited the shop).


**Hello fellow readers!**

**Well, I have quite a long one-shot HOLiC fanfic for you guys!**

_**BUT BEFORE YOU SKIP THIS AND READ ON...**_

**I just want to make it clear that anyone who has not read very far into the manga or has not watched xxxHOLiC Rou, then there will be some spoilers!**

**If you have read the manga and watched xxxHOLiC before, then I'm sure that none of this will be much of a surprise. But either way, I'm sure you've got a good understanding of what goes on in xxxHOLiC.**

_**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own xxxHOLiC. All rights go to their respective owners.**_

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this rather sad yet warm-feeling type of fanfic story!**

**Read and REVIEW if you enjoyed this rather short story, and let me know if you want to see more xxxHOLiC fanfic stories from yours truly!**

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It had been a very wet and stormy day. From the moment Doumeki woke up that morning until the minute he finished work, the rain had not stopped. For some reason, he believed that there had to be a reason why the weather seemed so miserable today, and it had nothing to do with Ame Warashi.

The train trip back was a nightmare as people began to pile up almost in an instant, trying to grab a seat, cram into any spot available, running to catch their train at the last second or grunting in annoyance because they had to get home at the busiest hour. Doumeki remained as neutral as ever where he stood on the train, trying to ignore the extremely crowded carriage and the stench of sweat and overpowering perfume that surrounded him.

Finally, he had made it back and decided to head to the shop first before going home. The shop was already his own home, though it was not the shop itself that made him feel welcomed. It was the strong yet lost shopkeeper that was imprisoned in this shop.

Watanuki…

Every morning, Doumeki would always, without fail, come over to eat breakfast and make small talk with Watanuki before heading off to work. Even if he was there right before his eyes, he'd never stop thinking about him. Worrying about him. His need to help had seemed to be pushed away nowadays as Watanuki only asks him to pick up groceries or help him out in the kitchen. But very rarely does that ever happen. Was he no longer needed?

He remembered years ago...back then, he was always the one Watanuki would come for help whether he wanted to or not. And yet even though his reward was always a spastic act of flailing limbs, he still felt needed because Watanuki _needed_ that help.

And now...Watanuki just seemed so lost. Drifting away and he was okay with that.

Waiting for someone's return could do so much damage to the person on the other side. Waiting for that tug on the string, signalling for them saying 'I'm back'. And then everything would be okay.

Doumeki could get angry at him. He could yell. He could scream in his face. He could shake him until he came to his senses. He could slap him across the face to wake him up to reality. But that was not Doumeki. Only someone would take those actions if they didn't know Watanuki well enough.

Words were already enough to make the seer curl up and cry. He was so fragile. The poor Watanuki…

Doumeki could only remain the faithful friend he had been from the beginning by helping Watanuki in any way he could. Of course, there would be times where he had to use a firm hand and make the seer realise that what he was doing to himself was only hurting them both. But Watanuki was still Watanuki, and he still knew Doumeki was still Doumeki. They both understood each other to know better.

Still...the inevitable was always there to come back with a crushing reality they already knew.

As he entered the shop, the twins Maru and Moro were sitting on the single step at the entrance with very sad and worried faces. Knowing that these twins were usually hyperactive and bubbly 24/7, this alerted the former archer.

The two sad faces looked up at Doumeki, they already knew he was home but didn't react the moment he came home.

"Girls?" He quietly asked the two knowing something was wrong.

"Doumeki…" Maru said.

"Is finally home." Moro finished.

"What's going on?" Whatever was making these twins sad had to be connected with Watanuki.

"Master Watanuki…"

"Is not feeling so well."

"You mean he is sick?" Doumeki asked.

Their heads bowed down.

"No, but...he is not happy right now. He is…"

"Very sad." Maru's finished part of the sentence was choked out, and Doumeki quickly patted their heads reassuringly before he headed straight to the bedroom where he knew he'd be.

Once he slid the bedroom doors open, there he saw Watanuki lying on the floor on his side in a mess. He knew he'd see this day coming, but never so soon. Yuko's disappearance had done so much damage to the poor boy more than he had anticipated.

Lying on the floor, Watanuki's eyes and cheeks were completely drenched in tears, slightly flaking from the previous tears drying up and not bothered to be wiped away. Only Doumeki was the one to ever do that for him.

His kimono was open as it exposed more skin than usual as its beautiful silk formation and organic design flowed down and around the thin and pale body of the seer.

But the rest of Yuko's kimonos were hopelessly tossed and thrown around Watanuki as if he was surrounded by the only memories of the witch. That alone made Doumeki break to pieces inside.

On his face, there seemed to be some makeup smeared in some areas. Dark reddish lipstick had been applied nicely until it had been rubbed a bit roughly away and his eyes were thinly lined with black eyeliner but was now a mess from the never-ending tears. His glasses were missing from his face, and with his jet black hair splayed out across his face and all around his head, he could almost be mistaken for Yuko herself.

Taking a deep breath, Doumeki placed his briefcase on the bed and approached the broken boy. He wasn't asleep, nor was he awake. He was just completely out of it and not aware of those who worry for him.

Doumeki gently grabbed Watanuki and held him close until he finally got a good look in those eyes. Those lost and tired eyes. Once he placed a hand on his cheek, Watanuki snapped back into reality and his eyes focused on the person holding him. The only person that had held him for so long.

No words were needed at that moment. Doumeki could see clearly what was going on. He didn't even miss the many bottles of sake that were lying on the floor next to him. Watanuki was letting the memories get to him.

He held Watanuki close until he heard those heart breaking sobs escaping those bruised red lips. The tears were coming back, but Doumeki was already there to wipe them away. And this time, for good. Enough was enough, and Doumeki could very well get angry at him. Yuko once taught him that getting angry at Watanuki will teach him that he is hurting more than himself alone. But not this time. This time, emotions bouncing against each other would only end up ugly. Doumeki would carry and embrace Watanuki's sadness until everything was alright. Then later on, he would sit down and talk to him. Expressing everything he was feeling so Watanuki would understand. And sure enough he will. It could only be predicted as much that he will.

Once the tears had stopped, Doumeki carried him to the bathroom so he could clean him up. Settling him down on the toilet with the seat down, he grabbed a wash cloth and soaked it with warm water. He kneeled at Watanuki and gently wiped away all the makeup and tears that had stained his perfectly porcelain white skin. Once the makeup was off, he dunked it in more warm water and begun to gently wash his neck and his back, remembering that was how he was treated when he was sick. Sure, Watanuki was not ill but he needed to be refreshed.

"You were always there...to pick me up and clean me off when I fell."

Doumeki didn't stop his work, but softly grunted, letting him know he was listening.

"When I passed out after seeing that woman, when Kohane-chan's mother threw hot tea at me...and when I fell from the window that one fateful day. Even though I was always the one who got hurt, it seems that you were in more trouble than myself."

Doumeki looked up at Watanuki, his eyes widening ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm a mess and I somehow can't always pick myself up. Even after taking over this shop, I seemed to be more haunted than before. But I never wanted you to suffer just as greatly."

No, Watanuki was not drunk. Nor was he desperate. It was a truth, and nothing came out smoother than reality. An inevitable truth.

_'So he finally realised that doing something to himself would not only affect himself alone...'_

"It's what partners do."

Watanuki replied with a confused expression.

"Friends may come and go. Girlfriends and boyfriends may only be seen quite rarely. But partners, they always stick by your side no matter what may happen. And they always find you wherever you are. That is why they are called partners. They are a part of you. And you will never lose them."

Doumeki finished off cleaning Watanuki and said, "And you'll never, ever lose me...no matter how much you want to get rid of me."

Watanuki threw himself onto the archer, gripping onto him as his only strand of hope and happiness. Doumeki was the only one from the past that he could rely on to keep himself sane. And for that, he was very thankful for.

"Idiot...who said I'm getting rid of you."

Doumeki smirked and he embraced him tightly, happy to see that the Watanuki he knew was still there. And will always be there as long as he is.

"But thank you, for being here for me." He caressed Doumeki's face lightly with his fingertips, making sure that all this was no illusion.

In any other situation, Doumeki would normally stay silent instead of replying. But in this moment of bringing Watanuki back to standing on his two feet again, he only smiled as he stared into those glowing youthful gold and blue eyes.

"You're welcome."

Even though Watanuki would lose his grip on the hope he only had, Doumeki was always there to pull him back to safety. It was an inevitability that Yuko had predicted from the beginning.

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**Thank you for reading! Don't forget to review if you enjoyed this!**


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